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All right, just more thing from Steve Jobs’s unexpected–and, frankly, pretty awesome–earnings call crashing from last night. After the executive was finished saying some mean things about Google and BlackBerry, he tore into the tablet market.

First on his list were the new crop of seven inch tablets that seem to be popping up all over the place. “One naturally thinks that a seven inch screen would offer 70 percent of the benefits of a 10 inch screen,” Jobs told the press. “Unfortunately, this is far from the truth. The screen measurements are diagonal, so that a seven inch screen is only 45 percent as large as iPad’s 10 inch screen. You heard me right-just 45 percent as large.”

Of course, Jobs wasn’t just attacking the tablets that have been announced thus far–he was putting the kibosh on all of those rumors of a seven inch “iPad Mini.”

Users of a seven inch tablet, he added, oddly, would have to “sand down their fingers” to use the thing. Yep, that’s right, sand down their fingers,

Once you increase the resolution of the display to make up some of the difference, it’s meaningless unless your tablet also includes sandpaper, so that the user can sand down their fingers to around one-quarter of their present size.

Apple has done “extensive research” into the matter, he added, which, naturally, is why you don’t see a ton of iPad users running around with bloody nubs. I don’t want to tell Apple’s ad team how to do its job, but have you guys ever considered something along the lines of “Buy an iPad, keep your fingertips?”

Just a thought.

The seven inchers, he added, less grotesquely, are “tweeners,” meaning that they occupy an uncomfortable space between tablets and smartphones, while failing to fit the basic needs for either space.

“Every tablet user is also a smartphone user,” Jobs contended. “No tablets can compete with the mobility of a smartphone. It’s the ease of fitting into your pocket or purse. Its unobtrusiveness when used in a crowd. Given that all tablet users will already have a smartphone in their pocket, giving up precious display area to fit a tablet in their pocket is clearly the wrong tradeoff.”

Also, Android’s Froyo isn’t quite ready for primetime–Google said it itself. Still, manufacturers are looking to install the OS on their tablets ahead of schedule. “What does this mean when your software supplier says not to use your software in their tablet, and what does this mean when you ignore them and use it anyway?” Jobs asked the press.

Naturally, he didn’t wait for an answer, moving on to the next point instead, “Fifth, iPad now has over 35,000 apps on the App Store. This new crop of tablets will have near zero.”


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